Browse Category: Memories

Sound and Emotion: Memories of my Mom

A week or two ago, one of my therapy clients was talking about regrets related to her late mother, which of course stirred up memories and feelings for me about my mom, who died from complications of cancer in 2020. After that therapy session and a few other coincidental things that were bringing up grief for me, I suddenly realized that I may have old voicemails from my mother in my phone. I am not sure what prevented me from realizing that prior to recently, but I immediately started searching in my phone, and sure enough, there were a few messages from her in my “Deleted Messages” folder.

Because I hadn’t realized the voicemails were still there (I regularly delete messages and didn’t know they were still stored in “Deleted Messages”), I hadn’t heard them since my mother left them in 2018, 2019, and 2020. I listened to a couple and was flooded by sadness, grief, and longing to talk to my mom again. One message in particular, from New Year’s Eve 2019, was so painful to hear, as in it my mom said “2020 sounds pretty good.” She had said similar things a few times around the end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020, as the prior year had been challenging due to her declining health, contentious U.S. politics, and other things, and she was optimistic that 2020 would be better. Little did she know that 2020 would bring the COVID pandemic and her further decline and death from multiple myeloma. It was one of the worst years ever for our family.

My mother, Penny Davis, at the bed and breakfast where she and my father spent every New Year’s Eve. This was taken on December 31, 2019, my mother’s last New Year’s. It was also the day she left me a voicemail expressing her optimism for 2020.

I often think of my mother and wish I could call her, but hearing her voice in those messages was so powerful. It took me right back to the moments when she left the voicemails, bringing up memories of small day-to-day things and “bigger” events, both good and bad. It got me thinking about how profoundly sound can trigger emotions.

A Little Science

There are a few reasons auditory stimuli are emotionally evocative. One is that the human brainstem is hardwired to respond to certain sounds for survival reasons–think of the jolt of fear you get when you hear a crash in the middle of the night that wakes you from a sound sleep. So, sounds can trigger fear, anger, love, and other strong feelings that can help us react.

Another reason is that we have “mirror neurons,” brain cells that are activated both when we perform a task (e.g., talking about something personal while tearing up) and when we observe someone else performing the same task (e.g., seeing someone else cry while telling us something). Mirror neurons allow us to feel emotionally connected to others.

Additionally, the ways in which our brain stores memories create this strong connection between sound and feeling. We are conditioned to associate certain sounds with certain times in our lives. Also, one type of memory called “episodic memory,” which has to do with long-term memories about specific experiences we’ve had, is often vivid and emotional, allowing us to re-experience things we’ve done. The hippocampus, a part of the brain, is involved in storing, processing, and retrieving long-term factual and spatial memories, and it is also a part of the limbic system, which controls our emotions and our fight-flight-freeze reactions.

Reflecting on Sound and Grief

It’s so interesting–and sometimes very difficult–how sounds and other stimuli can trigger strong feelings and grief. Anyone who has lost a loved one knows that a seemingly innocuous or trivial activity, like watching a rerun of a TV show that has nothing overtly to do with the person we’ve lost, can cause us to be flooded with emotion: We suddenly remember watching the show with our lost loved one, or someone in the show is wearing a sweater that reminds us of the person. Given that unrelated stimuli can bring strong feelings, I guess it should be no surprise that hearing my mother’s voice and particularly listening to messages she left in the last 8 months of her life would stir up a ton.

So, I’m sitting tenderly with my emotions and memories and have tried to give myself time to listen to the messages again when I was feeling more prepared. Be kind and gentle with yourself if you are also experiencing grief and missing someone close to you. My heart is with you if you are holding grief, too.

Looking Back at 2022: A Year in Photos

Well, 2022 is over! In some ways it went quickly and in other ways not. It was a memorable year, in that I moved back to Philadelphia after 17 years living in California. There’s a lot to enjoy in Philly, and I made the move to be closer to family and old friends, but there have also been a lot of challenges. I am not the sort of person who quickly adapts to new situations, although I do always try to make the best of things when possible. So, even though it’s been 5 months since I moved, I am still getting used to my new life back in PA. With all the changes, I’ve felt optimistic and excited at times and sad, anxious, and homesick for California at other times.

One thing that usually helps me to cope when I am feeling down is to get outside. That has been more challenging for me in Philly (especially now, in the winter) than it was in CA, as I prefer my weather mild and gentle, which is not always the case here. Another thing that often lifts my spirits is taking photos and then editing and sharing them. I was feeling off this weekend, so I spent some of today walking in a beautiful nearby park and taking some shots. Lucky for me, it was 55 degrees and sunny!

Since it is New Year’s Day, I was reflecting on 2022, which made me want to look back on some of the photos I took over the year. So, I am sharing some of my favorites with you! I chose these based on aesthetics, not sentiment, but many of them do give me the warm feels. I hope you enjoy them.

June Memories

I’ll be moving soon. Moving always brings up memories. (It’s also a royal pain, but that’s just how it is.) I’ve been looking at a lot of old photos in preparation for packing, as I’d just retrieved some boxes of photo albums I was storing at a friend’s place. I’ve been enjoying looking through the old pictures and thinking about past phases of my life.

June is a month that has brought a lot of good times, but it’s also brought some difficult ones. Two years ago, my mother was in the hospital for all of June (during COVID with no visitors allowed) after she’d collapsed due to her cancer progressing. That was a pretty miserable June for my family. In thinking about that difficult time, I wanted to also think about some of the good moments prior Junes have brought.

I know this kind of post is more personal and may not be that interesting to anyone but me, but I do hope you enjoy my trip down memory lane.

June 1979, “Fifth Grade Day.” This marked the end of the school year. Ah, remember that feeling of excitement and relief when the summer was about to start? Here are some friends playing “crack the whip.”
June 1981. I was on a vacation in Sandbridge, Virginia, with my cousin Megan. Good times on the beach!
Also June 1981. My family and I took a trip to Stone Harbor, New Jersey. Here I am crabbing.
It was all fun and games until we ate the crabs for dinner and I got super sick!
OK, I can’t say for sure this was in June, but it was the summer of 1990, and my good friends Jules and Maureen and I were seeing Ziggy Marley and the B-52s at an outdoor show at Philadelphia’s Mann Music Center, which was a great time.
June 1991 on Mt. Rainier with my then-boyfriend, later husband, Geoff. We were visiting my brother and his wife,
who lived in Seattle for a year. So cool to be in shorts in the snow!
Well, my marriage didn’t last, but it is still nice to think back on our wedding in June 1993.
June 1993, honeymoon on the coast of Spain.
Again, the marriage didn’t last, but I do still have great memories of our trip.
A trip to Niagra Falls, Toronto, and a festival in the Ontario countryside in June 2001.
June 2004 at the Getty in Los Angeles. I was in California to scope out acupuncture schools.
Before I decided to become a psychologist, I had considered becoming an acupuncturist.
Either way, I knew I wanted to go to California for graduate school.
June 2005 at L’Etage bar and restaurant in Philadelphia. My dear friend Mia had thrown me a surprise going-away party, as I was moving to Oakland, California, that summer to start my psychology doctoral studies. That party was awesome!
June 2008. I went to Cincinnati to participate on a panel at a women’s studies conference, and I got to visit my good friend Laurie. Here she is on the bridge between Cincinnati and Kentucky. There was an art festival on the bridge.
My friend Maureen and her husband, Billy, visited the Bay Area in June 2008, and we went to the Pride Parade.
In June 2009 (or maybe it was July?), we had an engagement party for my cousin Jill at Lake Carey, PA.
In June 2009 (or maybe it was July?), we also had an engagement party for my friend Laurie at Lake Carey, PA.
My sweet Nala kitty in June 2012, when I was living in McKinleyville, CA (in Humboldt County).
I had to put her down in July 2012 due to cancer, so these last times with her were special.
Cocktail hour at Lake Carey with my parents in June 2014.
A dance workshop with Kae Montgomery at Desert Dream studio in Santa Cruz, June 2015.
Burger Boogaloo music festival in Oakland with friends Syd and Majid, June 2016.
Performing with Shekinah dance troupe at Don Quixote’s in Felton, CA, June 2016.
Reunion of old friends: Rachel, me, and Mia in Philadelphia, June 2017.
Performing with La-Ti-Da in Marina, CA, June 2018. My first sword performance!
In Denver to see Michael Franté at Red Rocks with my dear friend Cathy, June 2019.
Taping an outdoor performance with Al-Hambra dance troupe in South San Francisco during the COVID pandemic, June 2020.
Celebrating my dad’s birthday at Lake Carey, June 2021.
Cheated a little with this one, as it’s May, not June, 2022! On the roof in Oakland with my dear friend Todd.
June 2022 has been pretty good so far. Here I am with friends in Santa Cruz for a BBQ.

Things I Love About Philadelphia

(In no particular order)

  • The Philadelphia Museum of Art
  • All the red brick in the historic neighborhoods
  • Being out on a summer evening with no jacket because it’s still warm
  • Being able to walk from one end of Center City to the other
  • The cultural diversity
  • Isaiah Zagar’s mosiacs and Philadelphia’s Magic Gardens
  • Clark Park and the big trees and historic houses in the surrounding neighborhood
  • All the great restaurants, many of which are very affordable
  • Vedge restaurant
  • Being close to New York City but not being New York City
  • The character of all the different neighborhoods
  • The way people say “wooder ice”
  • Walking along Kelly Drive in Fairmount Park
  • Tiny alleys full of trinity houses
  • The many beautiful murals (and the Mural Arts Program)
  • The Schuylkill River Trail
  • The Roots (and many other wonderful Philly musicians)
  • So many small music venues
  • All the outdoor beer gardens and pop-ups
  • Spruce Street Harbor Park
  • Many memories
  • Great old friends

… and so much more!

Reclaiming Memories

It was about two years ago that we went into lockdown mode due to the COVID-19 pandemic. In San Francisco, where I have been living since August 2019, lockdown started on the afternoon of March 16th, 2020, and continued until mid May. In the past two years, so many of us have suffered due to fear, losses, illness, political and social unrest, discrimination and violence … The pandemic has been a time unlike any most of us have endured. Although I have not personally lost anyone close to me from COVID, I did lose my mother to cancer in September 2020, and the last few months of her illness were complicated by all the COVID restrictions–she was in the hospital for a month with no visitors allowed, and I had to cancel a trip I had planned in April 2020, which would have been the last time I could have seen her before her health really declined.

It’s easy sometimes to forget just how scary and strange things were two years ago. Somehow, last year’s one-year anniversary of the lockdown didn’t have as big an impact on me. Maybe it was because a year ago, people were starting to feel optimistic about things “getting more back to normal” with vaccines becoming more widely available to the general public. I know I was feeling much more hopeful last spring, when I was able to get fully vaccinated. For me, having kept my social contact pretty limited from March 2020 to spring 2021, vaccination meant feeling comfortable being around larger groups of people, feeling tentatively ready to eat in restaurants (although I mainly chose outdoor dining or takeout even then), and finally believing that the pandemic could get under control.

With the Delta and Omicron variants surging in late 2021 and early 2022, I felt discouraged and worried for my health and the health of those close to me who are more vulnerable; so, I went back to being more cautious. It’s been hard to go backwards. I’m starting to feel more optimistic again now. But, it’s been a long two years.

As I was thinking about this anniversary coming up and all the fear and turmoil I felt in 2020, I thought it would be nice to look through my photos and find some happy memories from mid March in various years “in the before time.” Yes, things were not always great before COVID in many ways–the political unrest, racism, and so many other issues were a part of our world. But I do like to think about some of the ways pre-pandemic life felt different and better. So, here are a few of my pre-COVID March memories.

A visit to Santa Cruz, CA, March 16, 2012. I was still living in Humboldt County at this time, but I had made a trip to Santa Cruz, maybe to visit my friend Steve? I had taken the national professional licensing exam to get my psychologist license a few days earlier in San Francisco, so I am assuming this was all on the same trip. I always loved seeing the sea lions under the Santa Cruz wharf.
Going to see a roller derby match in Santa Cruz. I had been living in Santa Cruz about 8 months, working at University of California, Santa Cruz. I can’t remember if I went solo to this bout or with my friend Patrice. I am sure I had fun either way!
My friend Martin visits from Los Angeles, March 15, 2014. A beach bonfire in Santa Cruz.
Nice times! 🙂
March 17, 2015: The iconic surfer statue at sunset on Santa Cruz’s West Cliff Drive, a beautiful road with a popular walking path overlooking the Pacific Ocean. I miss my walks on West Cliff!
A very happy day–the wedding of my friends Todd and Leesh at Children’s Fairy Land in Oakland, March 21, 2016.
A walk on Seabright Beach in Santa Cruz with Steve, March 11, 2017.
Performing with Shekinah dance troupe, Vino Primo wine bar, Santa Cruz, March 19, 2017.
In Gilroy, CA, with my dear friend Samantha and her great uncle Ted, who is over 100 years old! This was March 11, 2018, when he was 101, going on 102!
Katherine and me performing with La Ti Da dance troupe at Pajaro Grill in Watsonville, CA,
March 24, 2018.
Performing on March 16, 2019 with Shekinah dance troupe at the Crepe Place in Santa Cruz, one of our regular gigs.
Photo by Daev Roehr.

Things I Love About San Francisco

Mosaic stairs at 16th Avenue, with view of the Sunset District, San Francisco, and the Pacific Ocean, October 2019

Today, my thoughts are on the beautiful San Francisco Bay Area, where I have been living since August 2019, after living in Humboldt County from 2010 to 2012 and in Santa Cruz from 2012 to 2019. Unfortunately, I moved to San Francisco less than a year before the COVID pandemic hit, so I haven’t been able to enjoy it as much as I would have otherwise. But, even so, there are so many things to love and appreciate about this gorgeous and unique place, and as Thanksgiving is just around the corner, I am trying to cultivate thought of gratitude for the good things.

I lived in the Bay Area previously, from 2005 to 2010. I had moved to Oakland from Philadelphia to start graduate school when I was in my mid-30s and full of hopes and dreams. Some of those dreams came true, and some did not. But after a period of adjustment to the many ways the Bay Area is different from the East Coast, I came to love my new home city.

It’s been interesting to be back in the Bay Area after I had been away for 9 years and living in SF instead of my more familiar stomping grounds in Oakland. San Francisco is a lot different than Oakland, even though they are only about 10 miles apart. It’s hard to sum up all the differences, but a few include that Oakland is more spread out, with many neighborhoods, some with a suburban feel, connected by freeways, and San Francisco is more dense; Oakland is more racially and ethnically diverse than SF (although SF is also very diverse); Oakland has about half the population of SF; Oakland is warmer and sunnier (especially in the summer); Oakland is slightly less crazy expensive than SF (although, both are not cheap!); and SF has more widely known tourist attractions and sights.

I miss living in Oakland! But I have come to love San Francisco for its beautiful beaches and parks, all the amazing views from the many hills, the culture, the history, and the relative ease of getting around by transit or Lyft compared with Oakland.

View of the Golden Gate Bridge from the Legion of Honor, October 2019.

So, a few things I love …

  • The light–there is something about the way the sky lights up when the sun is out that is unlike the light any place else I have been.
  • The museums: The San Francisco Museum of Modern Art and the DeYoung Museum are my favorites, but there are many others.
  • The hidden staircases all over the city. It’s a city of hills, so the fact that there are lot of staircases makes sense. And some of them have been decorated with gorgeous mosaic tiles!
  • The murals and street art. There is so much cool art everywhere! And so many public art programs! A few are the Bay Area Mural Project, the Clarion Alley Mural Project, the San Francisco Arts Commission, the San Francisco Giants’ Resilient SF Mural Project, Balmy Alley, and Paint the Void.
  • The Pacific Ocean and Ocean Beach. I love the ocean! I love the beach! However, I didn’t realize how much I love these things when I lived on the East Coast. Even though there are many beautiful East Coast beaches, those beaches don’t have the mild Bay Area weather that makes it pleasant to walk on the beach most of the year without being hot and sticky or freezing.
  • The plethora of fabulous Asian food. The Bay Area, home to many Asian Americans and Asian immigrants, has hundreds of restaurants serving delicious Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Malaysian, Vietnamese, Korean, Burmese, and Indian food (and probably other cuisines I have forgotten). I could probably eat dim sum every day without getting tired of it!
  • The politics. I am a liberal, and San Francisco is one of the most liberal cities in the United States. The politics here and their impact are not perfect, but I do value the liberal beliefs and attitudes of SF.
  • Being able to get to a gorgeous park, forest, beach, or trail within minutes.
  • The Mediterranean climate. I don’t love the summer fog along the coast, but I will take that when we also get warm and sunny falls, winters, and springs.
  • The creativity. From art to tech to food to fashion to dance, the Bay Area has a lot of creative types. True, many of the artists have been priced out due to the super high rents and insanely high prices to buy property, but there is still a wealth of creative thinkers here.

There is a lot more, but this list sums up some of my favorite things. I may not be here forever, so I will reflect on all that I love and enjoy it while I can. Life is short.

Ocean Beach dunes, March 2020.
The Legion of Honor museum, October, 2019.
Windmill in Golden Gate Park, March 2020.
In front of a Warhol painting at the SF MoMa, September 2019.

Hipsters Over Time

When I was in my late 20s and early 30s, living in Philadelphia, I fancied myself a hipster. Whether I was one or not and whether this was a desirable thing, that was how I saw myself. I no longer do. Not only that, but the trappings of hipsters have changed over time, so, to be honest, I was a little fuzzy on what it currently means to be a hipster and had to Google a bit!

When I think of hipsters in the ’90s, I think of indie music, ratty jeans, ironic t-shirts, Pabst Blue Ribbon, tattoos, messenger bags, and an aloof attitude. The hipster subculture of that era, of which I tried to be a part, was equal parts “cooler than thou” (evidenced by knowledge of obscure films, preferences for obscure music, and shunning of pop–unless it was embraced ironically) and anti-capitalist. Hipsters followed a do-it-yourself ethos, feminist and liberal politics, and intellectualism. They also tried to co-opt some parts of Eastern and Black culture without much multicultural awareness. There was a lot of grunge and punk influence, as well as some leftover Beatnik flavor. I think of the movies Singles and Clerks as pretty emblematic of hipster culture.

The irony that hipsters tried to seem nonconformist in personal style, media choices, lifestyle, and ideas while totally conforming to the subculture rules is not lost on me now, but it was then. But, I suppose any subculture has its norms and rules. A true nonconformist would not adhere to any particular culture, whether it’s “sub-” or mainstream.

Fixed Gear Hipster, from Neatorama.com. And, in case you aren’t sure what “fixed gear is,” it refers to a type of bike favored by hipsters.

When I observe the more recent hipster culture, I see elements of ’90s hipsterism, but with some differences. The do-it-yourself vibe is there (think “artisan” everything), as is the desire to stand out from the mainstream. However, 2000s hipsters have appeared to me to embrace capitalism more by seeking out the eco-friendly product market, technology, product-heavy mustaches and beards, expensive haircuts, and fast fashion (and expensive indie fashion) with a hipster aesthetic. True, thrift stores and DIY fashion have been a part of neo-hipsterism as well, but a lot of the trappings of later hipsters are more commercial than the grungy stuff of the 1990s.

A 2000s hipster. From How to Spot a Hipster by Jeremy Cassar.

I guess I can’t judge myself or others too harshly for jumping on the hipster bandwagon. After all, most of us want to belong to something, and the way we present ourselves can serve as a shorthand to let others know what we’re about. That handlebar mustache says “I make my own pickles and like obscure bands–let’s go shop for vinyl together.” Trying to fit in to a subculture allows you to meet like-minded others who share some of your passions and dislikes.

Me trying to look hipster-y with short shag haircut, striped mock-neck shirt, cutoffs, black platform sandals, and scooter, while on vacation in 1996.
Another 1996 photo in which I am trying to be a hipster, this time with pixie cut, lariat necklace, chunky bracelet, t-shirt and black jeans, and cigar. Some craft beer or PBR was probably consumed this night.

So, if you are a former ’90s hipster, current hipster, wannabe hipster, or hipster hater, you do you. As for me, I don’t know if I fit in to any one subculture or scene and am not trying to. I know that I am no longer a hipster, if I ever was one. But I do still love me a cool PBR from time to time.

The Pain and Pleasure of Remembering

Every so often (more now that I am getting older), I feel a twinge of …. something … when I think of the past. Maybe it’s when I’m thinking of an old flame, remembering an experience from childhood, or reminiscing about a carefree moment in my 20s: Along with the memory comes a feeling that is akin to emotional pain. Yet, it’s not altogether unpleasant–there is happiness mixed with the sadness. This is nostalgia.

My dad and me, 1968.

What Is Nostalgia?

According to Wikipedia, the word nostalgia comes from a Greek compound of nóstos (homecoming) and álgos (pain or ache) and was coined by a 17th-century medical student to describe a psychological disorder displayed by Swiss mercenaries at war away from home. At that time, nostalgia was considered a serious and even possibly fatal (due to suicide) form of extreme homesickness. It was seen as a form of melancholy, a term used to define what we now call clinical depression.

Family holiday gathering, 1973.

Nostalgia is not just the act of remembering the past, it also involves yearning for it. The yearning can feel both “positive” and “negative,” although I don’t like to label emotions in this way.

As I said, I have noticed that I experience nostalgia more often now that I am in my 50s than I did when I was younger. It seems that nostalgia is a condition more common in older age–it’s rarer for children, teens, and young adults to wish to go back to an earlier time in their lives than it is for older people. This makes sense, as we begin to experience the physical decline of aging and often must take on more responsibility (e.g., career, family) as we age so may look back on our younger, stronger, healthier, and perhaps more carefree selves.

What Is Nostalgia For?

One of the aspects of nostalgia I have noticed is that it has a physical sensation to it–it’s not just emotional or cognitive. I feel it most in my chest and stomach. It’s hard to define specifically, but it’s similar to a sad feeling one might get watching an emotional movie. So, it definitely has a flavor of sorrow, but it also feels sort of good. And, in fact, the current view on nostalgia is that it has some emotional and cognitive benefits: some psychological experts feel that experiencing nostalgia can improve mood, increase social connectedness, enhance positive self-regard, promote self-growth, and provide existential meaning.

Decorating the tree on Christmas Eve, 1989, with my mom.

However, some nostalgia can be personally or socially harmful. A negative form of nostalgia is having an overly romantic and idealized view of the past; for example, some Americans consider the 40s and 50s “the good old days” because the economy was strong and many middle-class white families were doing well. However, this sort of nostalgia is a form of denial, overlooking the fact that this time in U.S. history also involved the social oppression of and barriers to people of color, women, and many others. It can also be a form of privilege or insular thinking–only looking at one’s own past in a bubble and not in the context of larger society.

Being blind to the layers of the past hinders us from moving forward and improving our social systems. And using denial and avoidance of our own difficult past experiences or emotions can result in unresolved feelings and emotional numbing or stunting.

Nostalgia Triggers

I felt some nostalgia this holiday season, the first since my mother’s death and the first I have not spent back East with family, due to COVID making travel risky. I’ve also had some strong nostalgic feelings when looking at old photos, hearing old songs, or thinking about past fun times and trips. It’s such a strange mix of feelings.

Tahiti vacation with BFFs Laurie and Cathy in 1996.

Certain smells and songs can be powerful nostalgia triggers. One reason smell is so evocative is that it’s the sense with the most direct path into the brain. Also, the region of the brain that processes smell is closely connected to the regions that are involved with memory and emotion, the hippocampus and amygdala.

And I’m sure we’ve all had the experience of music waking up strong, vivid memories. Various studies in the late 2000s and early 2010s found that listening to music engages broad neural networks in the brain, including brain regions responsible for motor movement, emotions, and creativity. Like the brain regions responsible for smell, those processing music are connected to the areas involved with feelings and memory.

Summer fun with friends Rachel, Mia, and Vanessa, 2001, in Philadelphia.

Looking Ahead

Today is New Year’s Day 2021, the start of a (hopefully) better year after a very painful, challenging, and anxiety-provoking 2020. It’s a natural time to reflect on the past as well as look to the future. Today, I’ve been feeling a little nostalgic about my mom, about all the things I used to enjoy doing that were not possible or had to be seriously altered in 2020 (e.g., getting together with friends or family, going to restaurants or bars, seeing live performances, visiting museums and galleries, traveling), and about other memories. Allowing ourselves to feel nostalgia and to reflect is important. In addition to the benefits nostalgia can bring our minds and hearts, reflection gives us the chance to take stock and decide what we want to carry with us into a new year and what we want to let go of or alter.

In San Diego with cousins Jill and Elizabeth, 2010.

Wishing all a happy New Year and a better year ahead!

Tis a Fearful Thing


by Yehuda Halevi (1075–1141)

‘Tis a fearful thing
to love what death can touch.
A fearful thing
to love, to hope, to dream, to be–
to be,
And oh, to lose.
A thing for fools, this,
And a holy thing,
a holy thing
to love.
For your life has lived in me,
your laugh once lifted me,
your word was gift to me.
To remember this brings painful joy.
‘Tis a human thing, love,
a holy thing, to love
what death has touched.

In memory of my mother, Martha “Penny” Davis, born September 1940 and died September 2020.

My Art Collection: Meaning and Memories

I truly love my collection of original artwork. Some of the pieces just caught my eye, some were purchased on trips, and some were created by talented friends and acquaintances. As a hobby artist myself, I also have a bunch of my own work (mostly in boxes and folders). It’s more fun to display the work of others!

Blair Davis with a mixed media piece by Jesse Reno, 2006
Me with a mixed media piece by Jesse Reno and a vase and table made by Jamie Vaida in 2006, Oakland, CA

Prompted by recently buying a couple of small prints to support a Santa Cruz artist during the COVID-19 pandemic, I was reminded of how much I enjoy all the art I am so lucky to have, so I decided to write about it. I realized that I had never made a record of my art and when and where I got it. Also, I wanted to give some recognition to the artists who created the works I own–I know some of them are struggling right now because creating or teaching art was an important (or in some cases, a primary) source of income. I also wanted to give props to some of my art teachers over the years (apologies to a couple I may have neglected to include here).

Early Art Teachers: Tunkhannock, PA

My first private art teacher was Charlotte Ciccone. I took classes with Charlotte in the early 1980s, where I mainly did work in acrylic and watercolor. These classes were held in my hometown, Tunkhannock, a small, historic town in the mountains along the Susquehanna River in northeastern Pennsylvania.

Another early art teacher was Sue Hand. I studied with her during my high school days, in the mid-1980s. Sue is a prolific and very talented artist who lives in Dallas, PA, not far from my hometown. Sue and her husband, Joe, own Sue Hand’s Imagery, a shop and studio that offers art supplies, custom framing, and classes by Sue. We students often called her “Auntie Sue” because of her warm and supportive style.

First Artworks

Below is probably the first piece of original artwork I acquired. I got it from a coworker, Sam Erickson, in a holiday gift exchange (I think in 1990) when we were both working at a medical journal publishing company in Philadelphia called Current Science. It was my first job after college, and I worked there from the summer of 1990 to September 1993. The very talented Sam went on to become a successful rock photographer and filmmaker in New York. Sam is the Vice President and Head of Production at Arcade Productions, a subsidiary of Sony Entertainment. See Sam’s work at the Morrison Hotel Gallery.

Mannikin photograph by Sam Erickson
Mannikin photograph by Sam Erickson

Below is a home blessing done in Japanese calligraphy by Laurie DeMarco Alagha, one of my best childhood friends, in 1993. The characters from left to right are “zuiki” (good omen), “shu” (come together), and “mon” (gate or house), so it means “May good fortune gather in your home.” Laurie made it for me as a wedding gift during the time she was living in Japan. Although my marriage didn’t last, my friendship with Laurie goes on across the miles and through many years, and this calligraphy piece brings back good memories. It’s also so special to have artwork made by a friend.

Photograph of Japanese calligraphy by Laurie DeMarco Alagha
Japanese calligraphy by Laurie DeMarco Alagha

The print below is another wedding gift given to me in 1993. It was created with a photocopier. I don’t know who the artist is, but I love its graphic qualities and the repeating thorn motif. My close friend Cathy Connor gave it to me. Cathy and I remain friends, despite living across the country from each other, and it’s wonderful to have a piece that reminds me of her. (Pardon the reflection on the glass!)

Photocopy art, thorn branch motif
Photocopy art

I bought this simple tapa painting in Tahiti in 1996. Unfortunately, I don’t know the artist’s name, as it is not signed. Tapa is a type of fabric made from tree bark; typically, a design or pattern is painted on it. I really like this piece, and buying it (as well as doing research for this blog post) allowed me to learn more about Tahitian art and history. What’s more, having this tapa painting brings back wonderful memories of the trip to the main island of Tahiti and to the islands of Bora Bora and Moorea that I took with my friends Laurie and Cathy in 1996. Cathy and I were both going through tough times in our life then, so the trip was really special for us. Read more about tapa at Welcome Tahiti.

Tahitian tapa painting
Tahitian tapa painting

Here is a piece for which I have only a vague memory of how and when I got it: It’s a greeting card with a print of a (well-endowed) monkey. Unfortunately, it is not signed by an artist. I am pretty sure my friend Vicky Maxon gave me this card either for my 30th birthday in 1998 or when I bought my house in Philadelphia in 1999. I wish I knew more about who created the image! I wish I had a better memory in general!!!!

Monkey print by unknown artist

Moving to California: My Collection Grows

“Las Vegas Series II” is a painting by a friend of a friend and was done in 2005. I think it is acrylic or gouache on panel. My friend Rachel Delp gave this to me (I think as a gift to commemorate my moving from Philadelphia to the San Francisco Bay Area to start graduate school? Again, I wish I’d kept better track of exactly when I got some of my artwork and/or that I had a better memory!). Rachel was living in Cómpeta, a quaint village in the mountains of southeastern Spain, at that time. The artist, Scott Lidgett, was a British expatriate also living in Cómpeta. Sadly, he died of cancer a couple of years after this work was completed. I love all the textures and tones of this painting. I am a big fan of desert landscapes.

Painting of desert landscape by Scott Lidget
“Las Vegas Series II” by Scott Lidgett

This iron sculpture of an embracing couple and the rebar and marble pedestal on which it rests were gifts from my friend and then-partner Jamie Vaida in 2005 or 2006. At the time, we were living in Oakland, CA. I had moved to California in 2005 to start a doctoral program in psychology at the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco. Jamie and I had met at Burning Man in 2004, and after a long-distance relationship, he decided to move to California with me. Originally, the sculpture was powder-coated with a dark blue finish, but as I’ve displayed it outdoors for many years, the weather has replaced the paint with a beautiful rust. Jamie is a talented metal artist who is originally from Massachusetts and lived for many years in Colorado before moving to the San Francisco Bay Area. Jamie designs and fabricates beautiful metal railings, gates, furniture, and other pieces, as well as doing fine art out of his Oakland studio. Find him at Vaida Metals Sculpting.

Sculpture and pedestal by Jamie Vaida
SSculpture and pedestal by Jamie Vaida

I love the following print by Oakland artist Fernando Reyes. I’m not sure if it is a linocut, woodcut, or monoprint, but I think it’s a woodcut. As with some of my other artwork, I can’t remember the exact date when I purchased it, but I believe it was around 2006 (although I may have bought it on a later visit to Reyes’ studio in 2016). My then-partner, Jamie, and I had gone to an open studio event in the Jingletown section of Oakland. Reyes works out of Ford Street Studios and does drawing, painting, printmaking, and cutout artworks. Again, I wish that both my records and my memory were better!

Print of a woman by Fernando Reyes

I bought this mixed-media work on a wood panel, “Sleepwalker,” by Portland, OR, artist Jesse Reno after Jamie and I took a road trip through northern California and Oregon in 2006. We saw an exhibit of Reno’s work at a cafe in Portland’s Hawthorne District, and I was taken by Reno’s evocative “neo-primitive” works and social commentary. Reno is a self-taught mixed media artist who has seen great success over the years since he began exhibiting his work in 2001. “Sleepwalker” is a statement about information overload in the contemporary world and the fact that people are often sleepwalking through life.

Mixed media work, Sleepwalker, by Jesse Reno
“Sleepwalker,” mixed media on wood panel by Jesse Reno

Below is another work by Jesse Reno. I think I got this one in 2007 or 2008. This piece is called “Feel, Not Think” and I like the sentiment, as I tend to be a thinker. I’m glad I bought these two Reno paintings when I did, as I’m not sure I could afford them today!

Mixed media work, Feel, Not Think, by Jesse Reno
“Feel, Not Think,” mixed media on wood panel by Jesse Reno

This fun linoleum block print, or linocut, was done by Christine Weibel, who is a graphic designer and illustrator. Christine and I took linocut and monoprint classes together from 2008 to 2010 in San Francisco from Katie Gilmartin, a wonderful artist and teacher. I was always impressed by Christine’s talent, meticulousness, and patience. And, she is just an awesome person! This print was inspired by a cat named Baumans that would move its mouth like it was talking. I think it was created in 2008 or 2009. A wonderful thing about taking print classes is that it’s common for students to exchange prints with each other. I have some other amazing prints by past classmates and a few teachers, too, that are not currently on display. One of these days, I will get some more of them framed.

Linocut print of cat by Christine Weibel
“Baumans, the Amazing Talking Cat,” linocut print by Christine Weibel

Below is a linocut that I made in Katie Gilmartin’s class in 2008 or 2009. I was really into circles for a while and did a lot of prints that had repeating circles as a theme. I liked that they represent ongoing cycles of life. I also really like working with patterns.

Linocut of circles by Blair Davis
“Organic,” linocut by me (Blair Davis)

My classes with Katie Gilmartin weren’t my first experience with printmaking: I had taken classes at the Fleisher Art Memorial in Philadelphia from 2000 to 2005, first with the amazing Charlotte Yudis and then with the talented Christine Blair. In those classes, I mostly focused on intaglia etching. Those classes were special to me–I learned so much, and I had a great time working with Charlotte, Christine, and the other students. Read more about the Fleisher Art Memorial. Find Christine Blair on Facebook or on Instagram at @christineblairart.

Humboldt County and Santa Cruz

In 2010, I moved from Oakland to McKinleyville, CA, to take a postdoctoral fellowship at Humboldt State University in Arcata doing therapy with students. I wasn’t too happy to move to Humboldt County. Don’t get me wrong–it is an absolutely gorgeous place, with rocky beaches, redwood forests, farms, some quaint little towns, and nice people. But for me, it was just not where I wanted to be. The postdoc paid the worst of all the positions to which I’d applied, and it was FAR away from the San Francisco Bay Area and all my California friends. Also, McKinleyville is a very small, rural town, a far cry from the urban life I’d been used to after 19 years in Philadelphia and 5 years in Oakland! One of the saving graces of my 2 years in McKinleyville was that the area had a lot of artists and an amazing art crawl once a month in the neighboring town of Eureka. At one of these art events with friends, I picked up this adorable ceramic skunk by Diane Sonderegger. I’d seen (and smelled) a lot of skunks around the dirt road where I lived in McKinleyville, so the skunk seemed like a fitting memento of my life there.

I moved to Santa Cruz, CA, in August 2012 to work at University of California, Santa Cruz, as a psychologist; I was there from 2012 to 2019. Santa Cruz is not a big city like Philadelphia or Oakland, but it is busier and less isolated than Humboldt County, just a 75-mile drive to San Francisco and Oakland. I enjoyed the laid-back lifestyle and natural beauty of Santa Cruz, as well as the friends I made there. I also enjoyed all the art!

Although the following piece was done in 1999, I didn’t receive it until 2012 or 2013. It is a monoprint by artist and professor Sharon Bowar Cosgrove, who is based in Wilkes-Barre, PA. My mother, Penny Davis, bought this for me as a gift. Sharon has had an interesting career: Her work has been selected for the Art in Embassies Program sponsored by the U.S. Department of State and was displayed at the U.S. Embassy in Astana, Kazakhstan. She is the recipient of the Medici Award in Painting from the International Biennale Exhibition of Contemporary Art, in Florence, Italy, and has been Visiting Artist in Philadelphia; Umbria, Italy; Rome; and Ireland. Sharon has taught in Florence, Italy and facilitated group painting and mural projects with international artists, students, and victims of domestic violence. I find this piece soothing and peaceful. Don’t mind the reflection on the glass–photographing framed artwork can be challenging!

Monoprint of trees by Sharon Bowar Cosgrove
“Light Through the Trees,” monoprint by
Sharon Bowar Cosgrove

Here’s a fun piece I bought at a print sale at UC Santa Cruz in 2012 or 2013. At the end of every academic year, the university’s print shop would have a sale of student work. I wish I had the full name of the artist who made this. It’s signed “Jorden,” so that’s all I’ve got. I think it’s a linocut, but it could be a screenprint. Again, there are some unfortunate reflections on the glass.

Print of beer can

The whimsical linocut below was done by Jose Pulido, an artist from southern California who is influenced by popular culture and his Mexican heritage. I have a thing for monkeys, so I was searching around on Etsy for monkey-related art and found this print of a fancy chimp some time around 2013. These days, Pulido mainly creates prints of calaveras, decorative skulls that are associated with Mexico’s Día de Muertos, or Day of the Dead. Find his work in his Etsy store, Mis Nopales.

Chimp print by Jose Pulido
Linocut print by Jose Pulido

I just love this cat-bat mixed media piece on wood by AJ Sharkstar, a close friend and talented artist based in Oakland. She has worked as an indoor and outdoor muralist, shown in galleries, and done guerrilla street art, among other things. Her trademark is fanciful creatures, often painted on sidewalks, rocks, and driftwood. This piece was a Halloween gift in 2014. Below is a photo of a coffee table that was a collaboration between AJ and her husband, Todd Andrews (another close friend, whom I met in grad school in the mid-2000s). The table was another gift, created in 2014. See more of AJ’s work on her blog and website.

Folk art cat on board by AJ Sharkstar
Cat-bat by AJ Sharkstar, mixed media on wood
Coffee table by Todd Andrews and AJ Sharkstar
Coffee table by Todd Andrews and AJ Sharkstar

This painted engraving on wood brings back happy memories of a trip I took to Hawaii in July of 2017. I stayed mainly on Oahu, with a quick side-trip to the Big Island. I purchased this print on Oahu’s North Shore, in Haleiwa, at The Beet Box Cafe, a cute place where I had a delicious organic vegetarian lunch. There was an exhibit of local artwork, and this piece caught my eye. The artist, Patrick Parker, is originally from Southern California and now lives on Hawaii.

Painted wood engraving by Patrick Parker
“Energy Source,” painted engraving on wood by Patrick Parker

Below are two fun prints by Hawaiian artist Welzie that I bought on the same Hawaii trip in 2017. I got these on Oahu’s North Shore, in Waialua, at the Sugar Mill, a historic complex that was a functioning sugar mill until 1996 and now houses shops and other businesses. Welzie, who started out as a surfboard artist, creates whimsical paintings and murals. His paintings are shown throughout Hawaii’s fine art galleries, and he has done large-scale murals in California and Mexico. I love the octopus, but the turtle is special to me, because I absolutely fell in love with sea turtles on my two trips to Hawaii (before my 2017 trip, I had visited Maui in 2014).

Sea turtle and octopus paintings by Welzie
Sea turtle and octopus paintings by Welzie

My friend Laurel Bushman, who lives in Santa Cruz, is a super-talented artist who does fine art, murals, teaching, and more. She painted this watercolor of beautiful monarch butterflies in 2017. I bought it from her in 2018. Not only is this painting lovely, but it reminds me of Laurel and her husband, Geoff, because they have raised monarchs in their home to release and help repopulate. I have this piece hanging above my desk, and it’s nice to look up and see it while I am working.

Monarchs watercolor by Laurel Bushman

I’m not sure who created these paintings, as they are not signed. The animals were painted on vintage postcards in Rajasthan, India. I think these may be similar to “assembly line hotel art,” where there are perhaps different people working together to mass produce these little paintings for sale. I could be wrong–maybe it is just one artist creating these charming works. In any case, I love them. I’m a big animal person–I already mentioned that I love monkeys, and I also love big cats, so I could not resist these four paintings. I got them through Etsy, I think in 2018.

Rajasthan leopard and lion painted on vintage postcards
Rajasthan leopard and lion painted on vintage postcards
Rajasthan monkeys painted on vintage postcards
Rajasthan monkeys painted on vintage postcards

In October 2018, I went to an open studios event in Santa Cruz with some friends. We all were taken by the amazing prints of Bridget Henry, a friend of a friend who has a charming studio overlooking the ocean. Henry is a printmaker who is inspired by nature and psychology. She manages the print shop and teaches at UC Santa Cruz. I love the following woodblock print of an old, dilapidated church. I find such beauty in things that are weathered, falling apart, and being taken over by nature. It was fun being able to look through several different versions of this print and choose the one I liked the best. In case you’re not familiar with the process of printmaking, each print in a series is often slightly different from the others, since each one is hand-inked. Although an artist typically tries to use the same colors and methods for each print in a series, it’s inevitable that there will be some slight variations in color and tone. After I bought this print, I started following Henry on Facebook and Instagram and recently bought a few more, smaller, prints from her on Etsy (see below).

"Broken Halos," woodblock print by Bridget Henry
“Broken Halos,” woodblock print by Bridget Henry

This shadow box was created by my friend AJ Sharkstar (see above for more info on her fabulousness)! Because it had been created a while back and was a little faded, I got to collaborate on touching it up with her and her husband, Todd, in April 2019. We had a great time–I love that one of the activities we do together is making art. The second picture below shows the box on the wall of my previous apartment in Santa Cruz with the cat-bat by AJ and some other art.

Mixed media shadow box by AJ Sharkstar
Mixed media shadow box by AJ Sharkstar
Various artwork, including two pieces by AJ Sharkstar, in my Santa Cruz apartment

Living in San Francisco

I moved to San Francisco in August 2019 to start a new job as a psychologist at University of San Francisco. Soon after I moved, I was walking around my new neighborhood and happened upon a small art gallery called The Great Highway that was having an opening for several local artists, one of whom was Jeana Hadley, a graphic designer and illustrator and the owner of Sealevel Studio. I fell in love with this octopus by Hadley, and since I live near Ocean Beach, it’s fun to have a print with a nautical theme.

Octopus giclée print by Jeana Hadley
Octopus giclée print by Jeana Hadley

My latest acquisitions are three prints by Bridget Henry, which I got through Henry’s Etsy shop. I purchased two small print collages on wood that were done in 2019 and a linocut print on cardboard created in 2020. I had ordered a print collage of a sparrow, not the bunny seen below (got that one by mistake), but I liked this one so much that I decided to keep it rather than return it and get the one I’d ordered. Henry was kind in offering to exchange them and give me a discount, but I was happy with what I received. The process Henry used to make the print collages is interesting: A woodcut was printed on acid-free paper and cut out to collage on a wood block. The background is hand painted with black tea and ink.

Raven print collage by Bridget Henry
Raven print collage by Bridget Henry
Bunny print collage by Bridget Henry
Bunny print collage by Bridget Henry
"Good Luck" linoleum block print for the COVID-19 pandemic by Bridget Henry
“Good Luck” linoleum block print for the COVID-19 pandemic by Bridget Henry

The last work I’ll show is more of my own. These are just some silly paintings I did in acrylic on old barn wood for my garden. I wanted to paint something fun and represent some of the “wildlife” I see in my garden: bees and gophers.

Garden paintings in acrylic on wood by Blair Davis
Garden paintings in acrylic on wood by Blair Davis

This post was one of the most fun and rewarding ones I’ve written, since it was a chance to look at all my art and reminisce about when and how I got it. As I mentioned a few times in my post, I wish I remembered all the details better–this was one of the reasons I wanted to write this post in the first place, so I would not forget even more about my art collection. Note to self: Keep track of the specifics of any art you acquire in the future!

This was also one of the more challenging posts I’ve written: Once I started, I realized how much work it was going to take to photograph all my art, research the dates and circumstances of acquisition for many of the pieces (by looking through photographs and my social media pages for “clues” and asking friends to refresh my memory), and find websites and other information about many of the artists. I hope you enjoyed seeing and learning about my art!

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